Ark Angel Scene Rewritten

Authors Note: in this piece I will be retelling a scene from the book, Ark Angel after I tell the real scene 

As Alex Rider is sitting in his hospital bed, he got up to go to the bathroom which is right down the hall. But on his way back he saw Three men in the Lobby and overheard there conversation. They said they wanted to see Paul Dreven but it was roughly past 3 A.M. in the morning so there was obviously no visitors. One of the men pulled out a gun and shot the receptionist in the head. That is when Alex knew he had a problem.

Alex decided to take action and switch the two room numbers around and ran down the hallway. As soon as he herd them open the door from the stairway he walked out into the hallway. The men both thought he was Paul. So Alex started running away from them so that they wouldn't hurt the real Paul Dreven. One by one Alex started taking the men out by some simple but effective traps that they ran right into.

I think that this scene would of been better if it was written as this.

Alex suddenly woke up from a terrible dream of him being kidnapped and interrogated he realized that he was safe in his hospital bed. He wanted to go for a walk to get some fresh air to clear out his memory. As he walked down the hallway to he herd some noises coming from the lobby so he decided to go check it out. As he arrived at the lobby he couldn't make out the people that were talking to the receptionist but he could make out some of the words that they were saying. The one main thing that stood out to Alex was, "we need to see Paul Dreven now or you will find yourself dead" and thats when Alex sprinted back to his room. Paul Dreven was the kid next to him. Alex had to think of an idea fast. The best one he could think of was to wake Paul up and run out. So Alex went into Paul's room and woke him up and told him that they needed to go now. He decided to take Paul to the safest spot in the hospital which was obviously out so when they got out of the hospital it was when Alex realized that he was walked into a trap. They were waiting for him there.